When we're in love,

When we're in love, we seem never question ourselves about they way we express love. We may set bar too high or too low, but no matter what, we stop thinking about love but simply experiencing it. So, is it possible that we think we're so much in love with each other but in fact, we already forgot or refuse to love each other?

CC and I were Long Distance Relationship, more specifically, Cross Culture Romance. All the obstacles related to those types of relationship never stopped us; we believed we were each other's last love. But just like people predicted, he left and all things were proved to "Cyber Love"--Yes, we never meet in person before we broke up, even though we'd already dated for 16 months. Can't be even more real and vivid 16 months, we spent hours daily talking, chatting, sharing, loving and caring. Skype calls, emails, FB chats, and of course, expensive international phone calls and SMS. We were not living in a virtual reality! Definitely not!In order to save my love and keep my pride, I planned to visit him regardless his disagreement. When I finally landed on his country, he chose to protect his new relationship by not seeing me. Obviously, it made me look stupider and totally pathatic. Honestly speaking, until now, I still don't know which is easier, forgetting about that horrible experience or forgiving his cruelty to me? Strickly to say, we were totally strangers then, though. He had no responsiblity for my safety. However, after all the chasing and tears and curse, now, we're in a business partnership. That means, we stay in a high frequency contact, sharing things to each other, sort of "friendship", I guess. It's understanable to keep in touch with ex in the first six months after breakup, but it's insane at all to stay in the status longer than that. To this part, I know I'm SICK. Not to mention that we sometimes share some intimacy. Don't get me wrong, not that private; we're not FUBU or FFB , we just simply discuss something. After all, he's one of few guys that I can really trust and rely on. And sadly to admit that, I feel I now know him better than before.


Then what a fuck! Is it a joke? What I have done to deserve this? It's next to impossible for us to reunite, so what's the point to know how to handle him? Feeling sorry for all the misunderstanding then trying to make up for all the mistreatment? Or keeping impractical expection for him and praying for the dream reunion?


That will be absolutely a cheap reality show, no doubt and no discussion. How can I let it happen again? Am I not pathatic enough?


Thank God I figure out something else, which makes the story more close to a ridiculous siticom; at least, comforting me a bit. Things is he grew into a different person after living with a woman for 2 years. Life shapes him coldly. He's no longer the hopeless romantic person, simply believing in love can change everything. Shouldering a family wears him down. He's not that passionate and energetic like before. Fatigue and attraction fade caused their quiet nights. He's less and less active in bed. And like most guys, women's favorite is his hate. Omg! I can't hide my surprise to his breakup with the one he chose to protect, but of course, what really surprised me was their quiet nights. How disappointed I'd be if we really have chance to do it? Where's all the intimacy and passion? Where's my dream boy? Where's the beef! Not having the same preference in bed is a disaster. Preference affects performance, trust me. By the way, YES, we still don't see each other IN PERSON so far.


I know it's out of my business now. At least, I might not do him in this life. So what am I worried about?


I miss my vampire.